not a good joke

If that was intended for a joke well i say it doesn't made me laugh.

I really hate doubting someone coz it would just brought me into a deep confusion. I hate it!
I don't know what exactly i'm feeling right now.
All i know is that I'M NOT HAPPY.

(an hour before i felt unhappiness because of FS but i don't want to talk about it)

I asked him a question a while ago. It's not a big deal kind of question i guess because I just want to know the answer coming straight from him. I asked him how did he find our new relationship and he answered back and says it was sweet and powerful but i guess it wasn't like that anymore. Things change since the day I prefer to changed for the better. I don't want to hear myself saying that i don't feel the sweetness anymore or even the prevailing love he always trying to prove me but that's what i feel right now and then. After hearing his voice over the phone, unconsciously, a single tear fell from my eyes and there's a pain i felt inside. How i wish i could tell him what i am feeling right now but i don't have enough strength to have this kind of talk again because i know it will cost our relationship again so better not to speak. I'm so tired of arguing over the same thing. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to hurt myself either. I'm afraid of commitments because i might fail the expectectation of others. And because of this i come up into a decision or should i say into a realization that i should stand for. This would only happen in a certain time after i fix what i have messed.

my family

M A C E R E N F A M I L Y

This is my family. (up) my dad, mom, jane, kyla and boboy. (down) this is an old picture of ours and this includes me, mom, jan and jay.

Let me tell you something about my family background. Uhmm among the 6 offspring of Ruben and Elena Maceren God has chosen me to be the eldest one. The next is Kristian Joe then Kevin Jan, Krizelle Jane, Kier James and lastly Kyla Joyce. We are recently residing here in Davao City and been here for almost 10 years.

My family already encountered lots of trials and thank God for always being there to guide and help us. We strongly believe in the existence of God. We commit our own lapses but we repent for every vicious deed we made. We ask for his forgiveness.

We are into a simple way of living. I and my other siblings were taught to be simple and learn how to appreciate of what we only have. I’m thankful to God because despite of problems we are into still our family holds on to a real family, a kind of family that never let down it's member and we are working hard to stay together 'til in God's time we have to be in our own separate ways but there's always a picture of us that stays in our hearts.

when forever starts to end

I'm totally pissed off! I'm so damn confused on my actions this past few days. I don't know where to set my mind. I don’t know if it is better for me to hold on or to let go. Today, we argue again. Arguing things that could mess up everything we had. I can’t afford to lose him ‘coz he means so much to me and made so much to remember. I miss him so much and if only I could pick him up from my mind and hug him for real then I would. I don’t know why am I acting like this, acting as if we have shared so much when he was still here. He has a point when he says, “Bat ka ba ganyan? Bakit nung nandyan ako naging sweet ba tayo?.” This question still haunts me until now. I’m hurt! Yes, I am. I never thought this kind of question would be thrown out to me coming straight from him. Right after hearing those words from him I wanted to cry coz I feel pain but no I won’t and I must not because I am trying to train my heart to be tough. I’m trying to be brave.

I’m torn between two option either hold on or let go.

If I hold on things would never be the same again coz doubt still prevails in me and still it’s useless but if I won’t life for me would be different. Guess I already built my world around him. Haha!

At this very moment of time upon assessing myself, the situation and our relationship I come up into a decision of letting go. Yes, I think it’s time for us to let go and try to move on. Moving on doesn’t always means letting go of what you have with or without reasons but rather choosing what is supposed to be left just to save yourself from frustration and heartaches.

10 things i hate about you

1. I hate the way you talk to me.

2. I hate when you make me smile with your endearing words.

3. I hate it when you make me laugh,even worse when you make me cry.

4. I hate the way you spill jokes and make me chuckle even when im mad.

5. I hate it when you don't bother to call me or even text me.

6. I hate the way you play games with me just to make me smile.

7. I hate it when you sing songs that touches my heart.

8. I hate to face the verity that just by saying " i love you" you can make me weak unconsciously.

9. I hate the way you call me BABY.

10. But mostly i hate the fact that i can't hate you even for a while.

a single pain can take away all the happiness of a loving heart

The only person I cared for left me with a broken heart


Of course letting go of someone you used to be with is never that easy to forget facing the fact that he has already became a big part in your life. He's a mess in my life and unfortunately the most beautiful mess happened in my life :(


I don't know what made me last to this kind of relationship. Do you think long distance relationship last? Maybe yes for those who can give enough trust to someone but for me i guess i can't take it anymore. I quit. I'm not that "selosa" type of girl but i admit i easily doubt someone completely who of course gives me reason to have that kind of attitude. He already gives me enough reason to doubt his loyalty and honesty. I don't want to judge him in a negative way but because of his actions he left me no choice. I want to hate him for every single pain i received from him but i can't :(


how can you hate someone who change your life? how can you hate someone who encourage you to become a better one? to restrain from your vices? to improve your self confidence? heck! i can hardly hate him! still have a heart for him but no happiness left for me to hold on and fight for something i never wish to end T.T

BOGZEE for life ^_^

i loVe mY fRieNdz! yEa i loVe mAking rEaL fRienDz! tHey gOt sEnsE oF huMor, eAsy tO gEt aLoNg witH, "pRaniNg", cErtifiEd "peEzeE" aNd "bOgz" LOL, aNd mOst oF tHe tiMe thEy aCt diFferEntLy.

love this group! why? I found true friendship in them and it has been proven and tested :). Through thick and thin we've been together. We have shared lots of memories and those are commendable enough to be treasured. I know in times of problem I can always count on them. If I have nowhere to run they're there to have me and comfort me. Different lifestyle from different members of the group but shares the same principle, live life to the fullest :).

My friends are my second family. Real friends do help each other through the bad times how much more in good times 'ayt?.

BOGZEE loves to explore the beauty of life. We do like adventures, outings, trying to experience a different kind of life and exploring the teenage life.

musika :x

♫ MUSIC is my SOUL ♫

i lisTeN tO aLmOst evEry kiNd oF mUsiC

i ♥ songs very much!

MUSIC serves as my voice when i can't be able to speak for myself.

it's my BESTFRIEND.

it relieves stress, depression, sadness and also it can alter your feelings.

just through listening to a music i can escape from my unwanted feeling.

it has it's own way to make you feel better and all you need to do is to follow the rhythm.

i may not be that good in singing but i can follow it's beat (dancer. pero char lang! LOL).

good to know that music are made to be your outlet when you have nowhere to run and found no one to comfort you when your down.

life without music can be boring!